Relationships in a nutshell

Table of Contents Previous Chapter: Your ex flakes Your ex reached out and you have set up the meeting. Now let’s talk about what you should do at the meeting. Hopefully you have not only refrained from not reaching out but you also started to move on and also improved yourself. If you have not, there is a high chance of ruining this opportunity because your emotions would be strong and control you instead of you controlling them. If you also focus on healing from the breakup, moving on and improving yourself, it will be easier for you to control your emotions. You will also behave and look more attractive which would greatly help you because this meeting is set up to start your ex to feel attraction to you again. First and the most damaging mistake you can do in this meeting is to talk about your (now past) relationship, your problems, breakup,etc. Don’t do this. Although you know this person quite well, behave like they are a new date. Talking about the past would make the mood nega...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter: Your ex accepted to meet but flaked at the last minute. What to do? Do not show any emotional response. This is the first thing you must do. Don’t get sad, angry, rude, etc. You can slightly show your disappointment but don’t exaggerate. Just respond like this: “Oh, OK. It would be nice to meet but no problem. Let me know if you want / are free to meet up.” This is frustrating but you should keep your cool. Because this may be a test. Maybe your ex is scared to meet up. You don’t know. So assume this is a test and pass the test. If you behave like it is not a very big deal, you would pass the test. Next, go into no contact mode again. In this case since your ex flaked, I suggest you not to ask for a meeting even if this is your first request. Behave like two meeting requests are rejected. If your ex still reaches out you will not ask to meet up again. They will bring the idea of meeting up, you won’t. This time though you will cut the calls or messa...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter: When you ask to meet up, your ex may say something like this: “Yes but we meet as friends.” “My decision has not changed.” Don’t let these affect you. If you hear these kind of stuff just tell this: “Forget about the labels, just meet up and chat.” “Forget about this topic, it is past now. Let’s chat and have a good time.” If your ex reaches out, assume they want to see you. This does not mean they want to be with you again at that point. But don’t try to talk about this on the phone. You would prefer to meet up because you cannot display your attractiveness on the phone. You need to take the full package to a real life meeting. Don’t forget, attraction is not a choice. Nature takes care of it. Your ex cannot say “I will be attracted to this person” or “I won’t be attracted to this person”. Well they may say that but chemistry is more powerful than thoughts. You were dumped because you were not attractive enough for your ex. Your ex probably fought ...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter: If your ex does not accept to meet up if they are not available and they don’t know when they will be available say this: “Ok. You check your calendar and later let me know when you are available.” If your ex does not want to meet up (by mentioning this directly or indirectly), say this: “Ok. It would be great to see you but if you change your mind let me know.” If your ex again says they don’t want to meet up just ignore it. Don’t say anything. You said what you should say. Keep cool and polite and cut the conversation short. DO NOT insist or do not start an argument on this.  AND again go into no contact mode. Don’t reach out to your ex until your ex reaches out again. If your ex reaches out again (your calm and fun mood will increase the likelihood of your ex reaching out again) exchange messages or words in the same manner. AND one more time suggest meeting up. This is important: You will only ask to meet up 2 times. Not more. If your ex rej...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter: As we have said before, you assume your ex wants to meet you when they reach out. Your goal is to ask for a meetup. Nothing else. You are not trying to restart your relationship on that one interaction, forget about that. Just focus on the next milestone. You won’t interact with them a lot in this first call or messaging session. If your ex messages you and if you can see this without showing “seen” on the other side (i.e. on your status screen), don’t reply to the message immediately. It is best for you to wait for 1 or 1.5 hours. This will also give you some time to control your emotions. You also try to keep the message length matching your ex partner’s message length. If they write “Hi, how are you?”, just write back “Hi, I am fine. And you?” Let them continue the message. If they don’t reply for hours, DON’T write anything else. Just be patient and wait. Show your ex that you are not waiting for them to send a message and also you are not pursu...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter: Many coaches advocate 30 or 60 days of no contact. They usually recommend you to call after X amount of days if your ex did not reach out. This is bad advice because if your relationship will restart, the strongest way to do this is your ex losing his or her dumper arrogance and reaching out to you. Some of these coaches also advise not responding to your ex if they reach out before 30 or 60 days no contact. Well No Contact literally may mean no contact at all but it is really you are not contacting your ex and you are open to their contact attempts. You are in no contact to leave your ex with the consequences of the breakup and it has no logic to not respond when your ex cannot take this silence and prospect of losing you anymore. You should grab that opportunity and strike while the iron is hot. You should have a small chat, keep the mood positive and polite and arrange a meeting. This should be a positive experience and not responding to someone ...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter: Will my ex move on during no contact?  Your ex is seeing someone else, what now? First, let’s try to understand what kind of relationship this is. You may not be able to do this every time but you can have an idea about this relationship through social media. I normally recommend to stay clear of your ex partner’s social media but this can be an exception. Rebound relationship Your ex may be in a rebound relationship. Someone jumps into this type of relationship to fill the void in their life after breakup. People do not want to be alone and after a long relationship they may be scared to be single again. This new partner can be someone already around your ex and even may already be harbouring romantic feelings towards your ex.  Rebound relationships are usually short lived because they are not built on solid ground and they are rushed. The only real reason for the relationship is filling the void in someone's life. For your ex, this is th...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter: Will my ex call me back?   This is a common fear. You are not reaching out. What if your ex forgets you, gets over you and moves on? What if your ex moves on because you are not reaching out? Well, your ex may move on but this won’t be because no contact. If they are keen to move on, no contact does not make it easier. In fact, the opposite is true. If you keep in touch, you make it easier for your ex to move on. And no contact usually feeds their doubt and makes it harder to move on. I know, most of your friends would not agree with me. Popular culture would definitely not agree with me. Many dating coaches would not agree with me too. But if you are reaching out to your ex, you are orbiting around your ex. They know what you are doing and where you are. Almost everything you do will look like you are trying to get back. This will make your ex be defensive to you and make him/her always remember why they dumped you. If you are around, going no...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter: Does my ex think about me?  When you apply No Contact Rule, you will frequently think whether your ex will call you back or not. Or message you. Will my ex reach out to me? This question is rooted in desperation. You would never imagine that your ex would hurt you. But your ex did hurt you. And they left you with the pain. You cannot believe this happened. How could he/she do this to me? After all those happy months/years? This person left you because there was a problem in the relationship. You need to understand this and let it sink in. The problem may be caused by you, by your ex or by both. Maybe you did not realize this but there was a problem. Bottom line is your ex dumped you. The relationship you had with your ex is over. If the breakup is fresh, you can do nothing to get them back. But if it has been a few weeks or months then it is a different story. Hopefully you apply the no contact rule as soon as possible. They have been released ...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter: Putting your ex on pedestal  This is a very common question. Your ex dumped you and you wonder, Is he/she thinking about me? This is a common fear but answer is something you are probably not expecting to hear: Yes, your ex is thinking about you. The fear of being forgotten is a deep feeling but it is just a feeling and in almost all cases it does not reflect the reality. We cannot know what other people do or think. I cannot say what they are doing or thinking now. I can not guarantee that they are not already with someone else. I cannot guarantee you that they will reach out. But I can guarantee you that your ex is thinking about you. You were together for a long time. You shared many things. I assume your relationship was happy in general. You cannot just switch all these off and move on with your life. Well maybe your ex is not thinking good things about you. But they are thinking about you. But this is not your real question anyway. Your q...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter: Stages your ex goes through after breakup  “Rejection creates and fuels obsession.” Many people tend to put someone on pedestal when they desire that person but cannot reach them. This person can be a dumper or someone who rejects the romantic interest. This person is not only a human being anymore. They become the representation of their ideal. This is especially true during breakups. The dumpee may sink into despair and because the dumper left, they turn into almost an idol. This idol is not the real person. It is created out of obsession and feeling low. When your partner dumps you, they reject you. This rejection fuels obsession and puts this person on a pedestal. And you  turn this person into an idol and you are now earthly and they are heavenly. Because your ex doesn't want you anymore and this makes you feel not good enough for them. This idol and this thought only exist in your mind. And you need to get out of it as soon as possibl...

  Table of Contents Previous Chapter:  Mistakes that will make you lose your ex forever  If you apply No Contact Rule with patience and discipline, your ex would most probably go through several predictable stages. These stages are not mathematical formulas since there are people involved in it but they are usually gone through a specific order and at the end lead your ex to reach out to you. It is very important to be aware of these stages since their existence will give you a good idea about why you should be patient and do no contact. It will also let you know why your ex is doing some of the things they are doing. Before going into these stages, I want to reemphasize the process your ex goes through before the breakup. Breakups almost always develop within weeks or months. As long as there is a traumatic event like cheating or violence, a dumper does not wake up one morning and decide to dump his/her partner. Breakup usually appears as a weak idea a person fights...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter:  How to get your ex back? You would probably be in a very weak psychology after you are dumped by your ex. Your emotions are torturing you because you love this person and you want to restore the relationship now! And popular culture also thought you to chase, to plead with and keep in touch with your ex to get them back. In other words, you have all the ingredients to do something stupid to lose your ex forever. In this part, I will list the most common mistakes that will chase away your ex for good. To plead with or to beg your ex to come back Don’t do this. This is the most common mistake. This is not only useless. Pleading and begging can chase away an ex forever even if they were not sure about the breakup in the beginning. But most dumpers think they did the right thing in the beginning so pleading and begging make things even worse. We have covered this but your ex did not wake up one day and decided to leave you. If there was no cheating...