Mistakes that will make you lose your ex forever

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You would probably be in a very weak psychology after you are dumped by your ex. Your emotions are torturing you because you love this person and you want to restore the relationship now! And popular culture also thought you to chase, to plead with and keep in touch with your ex to get them back.

In other words, you have all the ingredients to do something stupid to lose your ex forever. In this part, I will list the most common mistakes that will chase away your ex for good.

To plead with or to beg your ex to come back

Don’t do this. This is the most common mistake. This is not only useless. Pleading and begging can chase away an ex forever even if they were not sure about the breakup in the beginning. But most dumpers think they did the right thing in the beginning so pleading and begging make things even worse.

We have covered this but your ex did not wake up one day and decided to leave you. If there was no cheating or criminal level abuse from your side, this breakup was growing in their mind for weeks or even months.

A dumper initially fights with this thought. They later think about leaving you one day and then the next day they decide to stay with you. They also need time to get used to the idea of losing you or being single and alone. They also think about the effect of this on you and stay at limbo for a while. But unfortunately, the idea matures and they dump you in the end.

This process means they are emotionally and psychologically ready for the breakup when you finally learn about this. But you were probably clueless or you just preferred to ignore the signs.

This power imbalance makes it impossible for you to negotiate (plead or beg) for the relationship. So don’t try to do this. This will only reinforce the idea of dumping you.

Yes, everytime you plead, they will be forced to justify their decision. And every time they are forced to justify their decision and make an ego investment in it, they will defend it more. By making them repeat and justify their decision again and again, you force them to believe in their decision more.

You don’t want a breakup so don’t reinforce the breakup decision. Don’t make your ex bring up a “good” reason to defend their decision repeatedly.

This is also very weak and weakness kills attraction. Women usually have more playground in this regard because being a little vulnerable and weak may make them cute (of course only a little), but men will look more unattractive even with a few pleads and begging.

Anger, rage and fight

Getting into angry arguments and shouting out your anger is a sure way to lose your ex for good. This may cause them to see your “real” face and make them feel good about dumping someone “like you”. You may temporarily feel better if you vomit your anger on your ex but soon you will feel worse because of the consequences.

Although movies romanticise these angry outbursts, in real life they are very unattractive. Someone who has things going for them, full of hope and confidence does not easily get angry. Your anger will not show you are a strong person. It will show you are weak, scared and you lack confidence. Anger usually points to neediness.

And if you get into angry arguments with your ex, you may say very bad things to them. Just accept the breakup and walk away.

Taking with your ex partner’s friends and relatives about the breakup

If you talk about the breakup with your ex partner’s friends and relatives, including your mutual friends, the only thing you can achieve is to hurt yourself more. You will only be able to show how weak and butthurt you are and how you cannot forget your ex.

Even if the dumper does not want the dumpee to feel bad, they still feel an ego boost from the breakup. They feel more powerful than you. Dumping someone indirectly says “I am better than you/you are not good enough for me.” This does not mean the dumper is a bad person. Most of the time, this is not a direct thought but it is in the subconscious. It is a human weakness to think this way. But don’t reinforce this feeling to look weak and pursuing.

If you talk about the breakup or your ex with his/her friends, some of these will want to “help” you even if they don’t tell this to you. Even if you tell them not to talk about this with your ex, they will tell everything you said to your ex.

These friends may have good intentions, but they will accidentally make you look bad. They will say things like, “he/she talked to me about you. He/she was very sad / almost crying / devastated. You should give him / her a chance.” These “friends” sincerely believe they are helping you but they make you look weaker and make your ex associate you with stress and drama. Stress, weakness or drama are not attractive. Especially if you look like the victim in the drama.

If they ask you about the breakup, simply say “life is going on, I am fine” and don’t go into details. If you need to talk to someone about the breakup, talk to someone who does not have a connection to your ex.

Remember. If you talk to your ex partner’s friends, relatives or your mutual friends about your ex and/or breakup, you break the no contact rule and throw all the benefits of it out of the window.

Manipulation

What are manipulations?

Buying presents to your ex to convince him/her to come back to you is a manipulation (and also a bribe).

Threatening them like “if you do not take your belongings back, I will throw them to the garbage” is a manipulation.

Asking gifts you bought for them back is a manipulation.

Aggressive, threatening behaviour, rude behaviour, crying, over emotional begging, etc. are manipulation.

Trying to make your ask feel pity and sorry for you is manipulation.
These behaviours will help your ex to get over you faster. If you want them to come back to you, and since you bought this book I assume you do, stay clear away from manipulation.

But the most common manipulation is trying to make your ex jealous. This is also the one which backfires the worst. Usually, instead of making your ex jealous, you make yourself look creepy, pathetic and loser. It also makes your inelegant. Most of the time, it will be obvious that you are doing this because you could not get over them.

Besides if you want your ex back, you should not look like you can jump to someone else this fast. Your ex should have doubts about your feelings in order to reach out to you. If your ex thinks you are still crying for them, they won’t reach out. But if your ex thinks you are 100% over them, they probably won’t reach out too. Men are especially sensitive to this type of behaviour and many men would completely write off their ex when they see her with someone else especially a few weeks after their breakup.

Another manipulation technique is trying too hard to look cool or OK. Yes, it is important for you to focus on your life and adapt to life without them as fast as you can. You should also try to look OK even if you are not at that moment. But, if you exaggerate this and if you try to show this off to your ex, it will backfire. Telling everyone things like “you are so happy to separate from your ex” or “you have never felt this great” and posting things like these in social media, this can look opposite and manipulative. It may also look like you had fake love for your ex before and it was not a bad idea to break up. And again, if your ex becomes convinced that you don’t want them in your life, they may not reach out to you even if they want to.

You would like to make your ex know that you are strong, cool and happy. But don’t exaggerate it. Don’t try to show it off. Balance is everything here. You should look like “breakup was sad but I am strong and I am getting over it”.

Next Chapter Stages your ex goes through after breakup