Not replying your ex when they reach out
Many coaches advocate 30 or 60 days of no contact. They usually recommend you to call after X amount of days if your ex did not reach out. This is bad advice because if your relationship will restart, the strongest way to do this is your ex losing his or her dumper arrogance and reaching out to you.
Some of these coaches also advise not responding to your ex if they reach out before 30 or 60 days no contact.
Well No Contact literally may mean no contact at all but it is really you are not contacting your ex and you are open to their contact attempts. You are in no contact to leave your ex with the consequences of the breakup and it has no logic to not respond when your ex cannot take this silence and prospect of losing you anymore. You should grab that opportunity and strike while the iron is hot. You should have a small chat, keep the mood positive and polite and arrange a meeting. This should be a positive experience and not responding to someone is a negative experience.
If you don’t respond to your ex, your ex will feel like you are rejecting him/her. They also would think that if they reach out again, you will not respond again. Then why would they reach out to you again?
Not responding also looks like butthurt. Unlike what many think, distance, anger and melancholy are not cool, they are weak positions. They show you could not get over the breakup and your ex. If your ex senses this, they would again stop calling because obviously you are waiting where they dumped you.
Yet some coaches advise you not to respond after your ex calls you X times. I know some people who applied these bad advice and then came to me and asked why their ex completely disappeared. Some even ignored messages like “I miss you” and then regretted when their ex moved on forever.
Don’t ignore your ex if they reach out to you. If you want to get your ex back, don’t ignore them. Well if you don’t want to get back together, you can ignore them but I assume you want the get back together option at the moment.
We are human beings. Your ex does not hate you, at least in many cases they don’t. It is not like there was something on and then went off completely inside your ex and all of the feelings just disappeared. They may think there is no future together or simply lose interest to you. But this does not mean your ex lost all their feelings at once or they cannot reflect on what they did and regret their decision.
You should also not make it difficult for your ex to reach out to you. Don’t block your ex and if you can don’t even delete their phone number. You can stop following their social media but don’t block them. Let them easily access you when they want to.
This does not mean you can start to pursue them once they reach out to you. Don’t start to talk about your feelings, how much you missed them or how sad your days were without them. NO. You should be a little reserved and try to understand what your ex is trying to do. You should not start to pursue them or vomit your feelings on them when they reach out to you. Hopefully you are already significantly healed from being dumped at that point but even if you are still in pain, don’t show it to your ex. Many people try to create guilt or pity in their ex partners but both of these feelings are unattractive.
Your past relationship is already damaged. There were problems so it led to breakup. And you also have a big problem in your hand now: you are not together anymore. Don’t look like you are keen to restart a relationship while being polite, nice and fun. I know this is hard especially when your emotions are over the top but balance gives you the best chance.
You are still focused in your life, you are still moving forward and developing yourself. You are optimistic and looking forward to the future and what it might bring. You are still open to having a completely new relationship with someone else. You are having fun and spending time with loved ones. You are achieving things in your job and also spending time on your hobbies.
When your ex reaches out and asks how you are, tell them you are fine. You did not want this breakup but if you are without them, you can just as well continue your life. If your ex is not in, your life is still satisfying and happy.
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