Will my ex move on during no contact?
This is a common fear. You are not reaching out. What if your ex forgets you, gets over you and moves on? What if your ex moves on because you are not reaching out?
Well, your ex may move on but this won’t be because no contact. If they are keen to move on, no contact does not make it easier. In fact, the opposite is true. If you keep in touch, you make it easier for your ex to move on. And no contact usually feeds their doubt and makes it harder to move on.
I know, most of your friends would not agree with me. Popular culture would definitely not agree with me. Many dating coaches would not agree with me too.
But if you are reaching out to your ex, you are orbiting around your ex. They know what you are doing and where you are. Almost everything you do will look like you are trying to get back. This will make your ex be defensive to you and make him/her always remember why they dumped you.
If you are around, going nowhere why not your ex try something new? You are pursuing them so if they try new things and fail, they can come back any time.
If you assure your ex like this, you help them to move on. You almost encourage them to move on. You are indirectly telling them how much you want them and will wait for them. “Hey my ex, you can go on, I am here for you anyway. When you want, you can just come back to me.” They can try to date new people, party or do other stuff. Life is good, Mr. or Mrs. Plan B is waiting.
If you sponsor someone in a casino and you give them money even if they lose, you encourage them to gamble. Why not? No fear of loss.
But if you do not contact, you make them realize at one point that you are not there for them and you are moving on. You will let them live the breakup and doubt about their decision. Whoever is accessible, he or she is less valuable. Whoever is not accessible, he or she is more valuable. What do you want to be? Valuable or invaluable?
It is ironic but if you are around them, they also don’t need to think about you. No Contact creates mystery and mystery is cool and attractive. The main reason for them to go is that you have lost your emotional attractiveness. So you need the attractiveness coming from this mystery.
Silence is the biggest mystery. Silence does not answer questions and leaves the answers to the imagination. Imagination is one of the most powerful tools in your relationship arsenal. It is powerful before dating, before and during the relationship and after that.
No contact is not only mystery and strength. It also shows how mature and disciplined you are. It is not easy to not reach out when someone dumps you and you want them so bad. Not everyone can do this. Only strong, disciplined and mature people can do this. And more, if you don’t make any contact, you will be stronger, more disciplined and more mature.
If the dumpee goes silent, this means that they are stronger than the dumper thought or they moved on. Since the dumper doesn’t know which one is true, their imagination will swing between these two scenarios.
Both scenarios make you scarce and more valuable. Very few people are 100% sure about their decision and this decision is based on a lower perceived value of the dumpee. When you become more valuable, the decision will not look that solid.
This doubt would soon grow into worry. This will be subtle initially but will grow day by day as long as you don’t call and assure their decision was right. Leave your ex with this doubt and worry.
Next Chapter My ex is dating someone new
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