Will my ex call me back?
When you apply No Contact Rule, you will frequently think whether your ex will call you back or not. Or message you.
Will my ex reach out to me?
This question is rooted in desperation. You would never imagine that your ex would hurt you. But your ex did hurt you. And they left you with the pain. You cannot believe this happened.
How could he/she do this to me? After all those happy months/years?
This person left you because there was a problem in the relationship. You need to understand this and let it sink in. The problem may be caused by you, by your ex or by both. Maybe you did not realize this but there was a problem.
Bottom line is your ex dumped you. The relationship you had with your ex is over. If the breakup is fresh, you can do nothing to get them back. But if it has been a few weeks or months then it is a different story.
Hopefully you apply the no contact rule as soon as possible. They have been released from the chains and they need some time to understand that there were no chains.
All I can tell you is this:
If you do not reach out to them, they will most probably reach out to you.
The breakup means the dumper does not want to be with the dumpee. At least for now.
This will be uncomfortable to read but I will write it anyway: If you are dumped, you are probably selfishly focused on getting your ex back and completely forget the fact that they are individuals with feelings, dreams and hopes on their own.
Questions like will he/she reach out to me show that you forget this fact.
But will they reach out?
Probably and this is a high chance.
When?
Well this is very difficult to answer.
You have to be PATIENT. If you are impatient and reach out to your ex, you will reduce the probability of getting back together. Do this enough and you will reduce this probability to ZERO.
You ask this:
IF MY EX WOULD REACH OUT TO ME, WHEN WOULD HE/SHE CALL ME?
No one including your ex can answer this question. But I can teach you to ask the right question:
WHAT CAN I DO TO INCREASE THE PROBABILITY OF MY EX REACHING OUT TO ME?
This is the question you should ask. This is the right way of thinking.
Suppose that I am a wizard and I can use my magic to make your ex message you in 3 months OR tomorrow. That is guaranteed. Which one would you choose?
Wouldn’t you choose the 3 months option? Don’t forget, it is guaranteed. You can change yourself in 3 months, not in 3 days. And if you don’t change yourself, your ex would go as fast as he/she would come back.
If it is guaranteed then your anxiety will go away. You would start to think about what you would do when your ex reaches out.
If there is no or less anxiety on the reaching out part, you start to focus on the right things.
So I suggest you think like that:
My ex will reach out to me.
Yes, you did not misread it. If you walked away properly, had a long term relationship and it was happy in general, I believe your ex will reach out to you.
You should focus on what you should do until your ex reaches out to you. You should focus on what you should do when your ex reaches out to you. Your ex should show that he/she wants you.
When your ex reaches out, they won’t confess their unconditional love for you and beg for your mercy. It would probably be a simple message.
“Hi, how are you?”
“Hey, Whiskey (the cat) must be so big now.”
“Hi, have I left my blue shirt at your place?”
Some directly write “I miss you” but this is rare. You are strong enough to not call your ex so you may reject them. At least they think like this. Maybe you were begging or very angry and your ex is scared you would be the same. So your ex will probably test the water first before jumping in.
But whatever your ex writes to you, you don’t think about its meaning. You should strike when the iron is hot.
You just exchange some messages politely.
If your ex wrote “Hi, how are you?”, you write “I am fine thank you. How about you?”.
Exchange a few messages. Don’t go into a long message exchange. Many people go into this and bore their ex. Then they wonder why the ex disappeared again.
It is good if you can have some fun things to say like teasing your ex a little playfully.
Then write this: “It was nice to hear from you. When are you free to meet up?”
Yes, whatever your ex writes to you, assume that they want to see you.
But my ex is stubborn, he/she won’t reach out to me. If your ex misses you, your ex would reach out to you. This is usually an excuse to reach out to your ex.
If your ex misses you but does not reach out to you because they are stubborn, why do you want this person in your life? Seriously, why would you do this to yourself? You deserved to be loved and this person does not have the capacity to give what you deserve. It is not healthy to keep them in your life. Let them go.
Next Chapter Will my ex move on during no contact?
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