Meeting your ex

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Previous Chapter: Your ex flakes

Your ex reached out and you have set up the meeting. Now let’s talk about what you should do at the meeting. Hopefully you have not only refrained from not reaching out but you also started to move on and also improved yourself. If you have not, there is a high chance of ruining this opportunity because your emotions would be strong and control you instead of you controlling them.

If you also focus on healing from the breakup, moving on and improving yourself, it will be easier for you to control your emotions. You will also behave and look more attractive which would greatly help you because this meeting is set up to start your ex to feel attraction to you again.

First and the most damaging mistake you can do in this meeting is to talk about your (now past) relationship, your problems, breakup,etc. Don’t do this. Although you know this person quite well, behave like they are a new date. Talking about the past would make the mood negative and would show you are weak.

When you were on your first date, you did not have a past but you managed to have a good time (hopefully) and you did not talk about your past problems. With light conversation, flirting and having fun, you were attracted to each other.

If you want to get your ex back you need to re attract them. To do this you need to behave like you are on your first date. Don’t take them to some special places from your past but try to remember what went well in your first date and reenact that.

If you talk about your past relationship, you will at best have a sad mood and at worst fight. This is not what you want. You want to create a positive sexual tension and that requires a fun and light mood. And talking about the past relationship and breakup may lead to an absurd point where you force your ex to defend their decision and you accidentally reinforce their decision.

Don’t get me wrong. Hopefully there will be a time in the near future when you would talk about your past relationship and problems. I am not talking about ignoring them forever. But don’t talk about them until there is an attraction.

When you first meet after breakup, both of you are not ready for this. And the motivation to talk about these issues are missing, especially missing for your ex. Your ex needs to feel attraction to you again and then they would be motivated to solve problems. If no attraction then no motivation to solve them.

Again, keep it light and fun. Focus on having a good time not the outcome of that date.

AND never call this meeting a date. Even if your ex tries to make you confess, never let them know that this is a date. I know for you it is kinda a date but keep it to yourself.

Sometimes they ask me:

“Why does my ex not try to get back together? Why only me?”

Well your ex called you and also you two are meeting up. So your ex may be trying. But they need to be motivated to try and they need to be attracted to you to have that motivation. Without attraction every small problem will feel like a big problem. With attraction every big problem will feel like no deal.

The purpose of this meeting is to have a good time together and to set the chemistry for the attraction. You won’t set up a romantic dinner, don’t go there. A few drinks in a normal place and setting is fine.

Don’t forget. You have not contacted your ex but your ex contacted you. There is some attraction there or maybe curiosity. But it is not enough. Keeping this meeting fun and light will create the best setting to increase it.

Second and again significantly damaging mistake is to talk about getting back together in the first few meetings. If the attraction is high enough, I have seen many couples getting back together in that first meeting. But this did not happen because they talked about it. This happened because attraction went to the roof. 

If your ex opens this conversation, politely ignore it as long as your ex says he/she wants to get back together. But even in that case keep it short and don’t talk about the problems. Request to have a good time together and ask to talk about these later and enjoy the night.

Attraction is a physical thing. You probably got together in the first place by not talking about being a couple. It just happened.

On the days before the meeting, do things which will relax you: exercise, meeting with friends or family (don’t talk about the meeting), long walks, etc.

I also suggest you not to smoke a lot or drink coffee before the meeting. Coffee especially will help adrenaline to shoot up and may make you feel stressed.

In most cases, people meet more than once before they get back together. So don’t rush and don’t panic if you are not getting back together in that very first meeting. Be patient. Don’t let your anxiety control you. If you are both having fun flirting with your ex. If it is not fun or if it is awkward then after 1 - 1.5 hours you can politely leave. You can do better in the next meeting.

Next Chapter: We are together again … Now what?

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