Relationships in a nutshell

  Table of Contents Previous Chapter:  Mistakes that will make you lose your ex forever  If you apply No Contact Rule with patience and discipline, your ex would most probably go through several predictable stages. These stages are not mathematical formulas since there are people involved in it but they are usually gone through a specific order and at the end lead your ex to reach out to you. It is very important to be aware of these stages since their existence will give you a good idea about why you should be patient and do no contact. It will also let you know why your ex is doing some of the things they are doing. Before going into these stages, I want to reemphasize the process your ex goes through before the breakup. Breakups almost always develop within weeks or months. As long as there is a traumatic event like cheating or violence, a dumper does not wake up one morning and decide to dump his/her partner. Breakup usually appears as a weak idea a person fights...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter:  How to get your ex back? You would probably be in a very weak psychology after you are dumped by your ex. Your emotions are torturing you because you love this person and you want to restore the relationship now! And popular culture also thought you to chase, to plead with and keep in touch with your ex to get them back. In other words, you have all the ingredients to do something stupid to lose your ex forever. In this part, I will list the most common mistakes that will chase away your ex for good. To plead with or to beg your ex to come back Don’t do this. This is the most common mistake. This is not only useless. Pleading and begging can chase away an ex forever even if they were not sure about the breakup in the beginning. But most dumpers think they did the right thing in the beginning so pleading and begging make things even worse. We have covered this but your ex did not wake up one day and decided to leave you. If there was no cheating...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter:  Working with your ex In this section, we will dive deep into the answer. We will take a look at it in several steps. Step 1   First of all, you need to understand the current situation. Why were you dumped? What happened? Was there infidelity? Were you fighting a lot? Was it money? Was it kids? Were you happy together? Was there any abuse, violence or any bad talk?  You need to think about these questions and you need to be as objective as possible. I strongly suggest you write the answers down because this will really force you to think and see things which you would miss if you only think about them. After thinking about these questions, you need to realize this: Your ex partner did not dump you with a sudden urge. They did not wake up one day and decided to breakup with you. If this was the case you don’t need to worry about it anyway because in this case, your chance to get your ex back is extremely high (if the sudden decision is...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter:  Should i contact my ex on valentine's day, his/her birthday or any special occasion?    How will you be in no contact if you are seeing your ex frequently in your workplace or classes? Should you just behave like they don’t exist? No. Don’t be rude and cold. Don’t behave like they don’t exist. They already associated you with some negative things so they dumped you. They believed that you would not be happy together. Now, their subconscious mind expects you to chase them. But they also expect you to create drama and stress.  The first thing you need to do is to stop your ex from associating you with drama and negative thoughts. They should start to associate you with comfortable, attractive, calm, fun and positive things. You are a strong person and difficult days cannot destroy you or your mood. So when you see them in the workplace, you can smile and say hello. Your ex may not want to have eye contact with you but you behave no...

  Table of Contents Previous Chapter:   Staying friends with your ex Should you call your ex on special days when you are in No Contact? Birthday, Valentines Day, New Year, Christmas, their graduation, new job, etc. Should you call them?  If you don’t reach out to your ex on these special days, will it have a negative effect on your pursuit to get them back? This is a great source of anxiety for the dumpee. They think they owe a call or message on these days and they think the dumper expects these calls and messages. But the answer is NO! NO WAY. Do not reach out to your ex even on these days. Yes even on their birthday. First of all it will ruin everything you are trying to achieve by no contact. Second, this will still be seen as your pursuit to get them back. And this is true. You are trying to find an excuse to pursue them and to reach out. You are in No Contact. You should walk away and never look back (unless they reach out to you). If you reach out to them on...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter:  Secret Agent - Stalking your ex   Friendships are good and I am not against having friends. You may have male and female friends and they can add a lot of value to your life. But a romantic relationship and friendship are completely different things. Many dumpers ask to stay friends with their ex partners. They usually ask this out of politeness and actually do not want to be friends with their ex lovers. They know how difficult the breakup for you is and they don’t want to pull the entire rug under you. They think this will make you more devastated than necessary so they offer “friendship”. Or they just do this so as not to be seen as heartless psychopaths. Don’t get me wrong, these are not calculated thoughts. They are subconscious thoughts. On the surface, they probably think that they want to be friends with you. But in reality they usually have no intention to continue to have a platonic relationship with you. They may think they wan...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter:  Mind reading - What my ex is thinking Yes, let’s talk about stalking. Let’s talk about turning into a secret agent and doing every trick in the book to stalk your ex. You want to know where they are, with whom they are and what they are doing. You want to know this every day or hour.  You want to know who they added as friends, what posts they liked, whose posts they liked, what messages they wrote. Stalking is a form of mind reading attempts and is absolutely the most harmful version of it. Unfortunately, we live in the social media age and it is very easy to stalk your ex. And worse, people reflect the best and most awesome aspects of their lives on social media. The life you see on social media can be very different from the actual life of that person. If you frequently stalk them on social media, you may think that your ex is doing great without you and it may look like leaving you is the best thing that has happened to them. You may ...

  Table of Contents Previous Chapter:   My ex blocked me Post breakup, many dumpee try to figure out what their ex is thinking and feeling based on what they are doing, saying and writing. This is one of the most harmful things you can do after you are dumped. I understand why you are doing this but in order to get your ex back and focus on your transformation, you need to stay away from this energy draining habit. You need that energy to heal from the breakup and to turn into the best possible version of yourself. For you, the success is defined as one of the two possible outcomes: either you get your ex back or you find someone better with the better version of yourself. Let me explain why you are trying to read your ex partner’s mind. The most important reason is that your brain is trying to cling on your ex and creating excuses to achieve this. Your brain thinks if you do not cling to your ex even in thought level, your ex will walk away and never come back. Yes for ...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter:   My ex does not respond to my messages “Help! My ex blocked me! What should I do?” Let me give you the short answer before going into the details:  “If your ex blocked you, do not try to reach them using other communication channels!” This is the most common question I hear from people who call me for consultation. This is maybe because people at this stage think that they ran into a wall and they need help. I have consulted many people who tried to reach out to their ex after they are blocked from one or more channels. Some of these people showed up to their workplace or apartment when all online communication methods were blocked. I understand your situation. When something like this happens, you are overwhelmed by your fear and anxiety. You feel like you are losing your ex forever and you have to do something. You have to do something NOW! You have to talk to them now and turn this or they are gone forever! And if you cannot call o...

Table of Contents Previous Chapter:   How to Get Over Breakup Pain? It is painful to see that your ex does not respond to your messages. Until recently, you were in an intimate relationship and your ex was (or at least looked like) in love with you. But suddenly, there is a wall between you and this is not easy to accept. Now your ex dumped you but you are still sending them messages. You may be begging or writing normal things like updates about your kids. Here is my question: Why are you sending messages to your ex? You read upto here and you already know that you should stop reaching out. This is the most effective way to get your ex back, if you would ever get them. I know you have a burning desire to get in touch with your ex. I know this feeling, I was also there before. You are dying to message your ex or talking to them. And a random dude whose book you have purchased says you should never reach out until they reach out to you. You wanna tell “fuck off” to that random...