My ex does not respond to my messages
It is painful to see that your ex does not respond to your messages. Until recently, you were in an intimate relationship and your ex was (or at least looked like) in love with you. But suddenly, there is a wall between you and this is not easy to accept.
Now your ex dumped you but you are still sending them messages. You may be begging or writing normal things like updates about your kids.
Here is my question:
Why are you sending messages to your ex?
You read upto here and you already know that you should stop reaching out. This is the most effective way to get your ex back, if you would ever get them. I know you have a burning desire to get in touch with your ex. I know this feeling, I was also there before. You are dying to message your ex or talking to them. And a random dude whose book you have purchased says you should never reach out until they reach out to you. You wanna tell “fuck off” to that random dude and call your ex.
But let me tell you this: If you are continuing to send messages to your ex, especially when they are not responding, you are distressing and choking them. They are not responding and hoping you will stop. Do you think the solution for this problem is to distress and choke them more? Really?
If your ex dumped you, your ex should come and try to get you back. Your ex should reach out and indirectly explore the prospect of getting back together.
Imagine a salesman comes to your door and he is selling a vacuum cleaner. Without asking you, he throws some dirt at your doorstep and starts to vacuum clean it without even asking you. You say you don’t want to buy but he does not listen to you. He is trying to push the product and doesn't care about what you want.
Compare this to a salesman in a shop. You go to a shop to buy a vacuum cleaner and he approaches you. You will be more open to talk to this salesman and won’t avoid him.
If you are messaging your ex, you are the salesman at the doorstep. You are annoying and by messaging more, you are destined to be blocked.
If your ex is not responding to your messages, you have probably reached them a lot and this has started to annoy them. The first thing you need to do is to stop reaching out to them. Their silence is the message. By not responding, they are telling you that they don’t want to communicate with you at the moment. Yes this is not fair and is also very difficult to accept. But if you continue to message and chase them, you chase them away more and more. Eventually, they will probably block you. I strongly suggest you not to go that far.
You should not message them at all. You should not send those messages they do not respond to. Actually you should not send messages even if they were responding.
Your ex is expecting you to reach out and plead for their return. I don’t mean they want this but they assume you would do this. This is a game they expect from you but they don’t want to participate. By messaging them, you are forcing them more to be in this situation and losing them further.
What you need to do is to give space and time to your ex. They should know that you are not needy and you won’t be distressed and pressure them to get back together. You are strong enough to give them the freedom to choose you or not. Give them the chance to miss you and wonder about you. If you are a needy person under their thumb, you are unattractive. If you are strong and away, you become more attractive. Give them the chance to realize that they would lose you if they don’t reach out to you.
If you don’t do this and become a nuisance, they would block you or at least they will avoid you. And when they do that they will think “thank God, I don’t need to deal with this needy person anymore”.
I know this is a very painful situation. You want to believe in the BS of movies. You want that scene to be real: you message them and they reply “I was so wrong, I want you back!”. You need this but your need does not make the fiction real.
You are in pain and the pain is very strong at the moment. And it is true that if they respond to you, you will temporarily feel very good. But then you will feel worse and they will also be less interested in getting back. There is no shortcut. You need to go to No Contact.
For now, your EX DOES NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU!
This can and usually does change in the future especially when you apply No Contact but for now, you need to be mature and accept the reality.
YOUR EX DOES NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU NOW.
And unlike movies and novels, in real life, chasing your ex when they don’t respond to you is not romantic. It is weak and pathetic and it will hurt the chances of getting back together.
Giving your ex the time and space and focusing on your life is strong and mature. That also increases the chance that they miss you and reach out to you.
Stop messaging them. Stop stalking their social media. Stop talking to common friends and worse their relatives about them. Do not reach out to your ex.
If your ex reaches out to you … Well that is another story.
Next Chapter My ex blocked me
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