Mind reading - What my ex is thinking
Post breakup, many dumpee try to figure out what their ex is thinking and feeling based on what they are doing, saying and writing. This is one of the most harmful things you can do after you are dumped. I understand why you are doing this but in order to get your ex back and focus on your transformation, you need to stay away from this energy draining habit. You need that energy to heal from the breakup and to turn into the best possible version of yourself. For you, the success is defined as one of the two possible outcomes: either you get your ex back or you find someone better with the better version of yourself.
Let me explain why you are trying to read your ex partner’s mind. The most important reason is that your brain is trying to cling on your ex and creating excuses to achieve this. Your brain thinks if you do not cling to your ex even in thought level, your ex will walk away and never come back. Yes for your brain, there is an invisible connection which you need to keep alive in order to not lose them. But this is of course not true.
Your brain then clings to anything. A “Like” to your recent Facebook post would be interpreted by your brain as a sign that they in fact want to come back to you. But in reality there probably is no sign. Your ex liked a post and that is that. Or you bump into your ex in the supermarket and your brain interprets this as your ex may be there intentionally to bump into you.
Mind reading can also be about things you are afraid of. For example your brain can trick you to believe that they are not with you so this means they are with someone else. You then start to terrify yourself with the thought that they are together or having sex with someone else.
Your desire to read their mind is also hand in hand with your desire to predict the future. This is the second reason you are trying to read their mind. But what you need to do is to look at what you really know and use the current situation to walk away and not look back. Anything else is meaningless. You cannot predict the future and if you try to read your ex partner’s mind, 90% of the time you behave in a harmful way. You would do things which will reduce your chance to get back together.
One of the benefits of No Contact Rule is that you don’t really need to mind reading your ex. Since you won’t reach out and do anything about them until they reach out to you, you don’t need to read their mind or even if you do, you won’t behave wrong. In the following sections, I will teach you how to behave when your ex reaches out but until then you are not doing anything to reach them out.
But even No Contact may not prevent your desire to read their mind. You need to know how to stop it. It is harmful even if you are not taking actions based on your attempts to read their mind. The worst phase of the breakup is this phase where you try to extract meaning from everything.
First thing you need to know is that you cannot prevent the urge for mind reading immediately after breakup. So do not try to fight it. Let your mind extract meaning from everything. Don’t lose yourself in fantasies but let yourself to feel the pain and understand why things ended up like this.
But 3 - 4 weeks after the breakup, you should stop this. You need to focus on your life. You need to focus on yourself, your friends, your loved ones and your mission in life.
No Contact Rule will also help you a lot. No Contact is not only about not reaching out. You should also never stalk them, follow their social media activity, talk about her, etc. You should behave as if your ex does not exist. All the information flowing from your ex fuels your desire to read their mind. When there is no information flow, the mind reading urge will disappear.
Next Chapter Secret Agent - Stalking your ex
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