How to get your ex back? - Introduction

Table of Contents

Previous Chapter:  How to get your ex back? - No Contact Rule

When a relationship (especially a long and happy one) ends, the ending event and the weeks following it are traumatic for both sides. But most relationships are not ended after a mutual agreement and so the pain and trauma is not equal for both. For the person who is dumped, the split usually comes as a shock and deep pain. The dumper does not feel the same amount of pain and it is usually not a shock for them.


Since you have bought this book, you are either dumped or you think you will be dumped soon. You are asking a lot of questions:

  • Is my ex over me?
  • Is my ex thinking about me?
  • Is my ex missing me?
  • Is my ex seeing someone?
  • Will my ex’s new relationship/rebound lasts?
  • Will my ex come back?
  • How can I get over my ex?


We will talk about these topics in this book. More, we will develop a game plan to handle all of these questions and problems.


But first, I must warn you! The no contact rule is far more successful than the commandments of love / romanticism myths (should I say religion?) but it is against everything you have heard from popular culture through movies, songs and novels. Don’t worry, I will explain why no contact rule is superior and why sappy methods of popular culture actually turns you into a creepy stalker who ruins his or her chance with his/her ex (or someone new) in the name of holy “love”. This book can shock and sometimes bother you but it will make you a more grown up adult and more powerful and skillful in the game of love.


Everything you learn in this book works for both genders. It works for ex lovers, ex fiance, ex spouses and ex partners. It works for heterosexual relationships as well as homosexual relationships.


The no contact rule is difficult to apply. It requires emotional strength and patience. It is easier to pursue and plead with your ex (no need for emotional strength or patience to call your ex every day)  but as for everything in life, the path requiring patience and strength works and the easy path usually ends up to be a disaster. 


Don’t worry. When you understand why no contact works, why you need to be patient and strong; it will be easier for you to have the discipline and motivation to take the right way.


And if you need to talk to someone for personalized advice ...


I also do paid coaching on SKYPE. I am running a website on relationships and helping hundreds of people in relationships. If you want to talk and get personalized advice, please email me at erkekadamblogu@gmail.com

I've been dumped now what?

When someone is dumped, the immediate response tends to be pleading with their ex to not end the relationship and later to come back. Dumpee pursues the damper, sometimes pleading and begging follows and sometimes lashing out in anger follows. And many buy gifts and death plants (flowers) to bribe the ex to come back. Horrible poems, long and embarrassing emails (or worse hand written mails) are also deployed frequently. In many cases, the dumper offers friendship to the dumpee and often the dumpee accepts this with the hope that this will give them a good position to crawl back to a romantic relationship.
 

These are learned behaviours. We are brainwashed to behave like this through movies, TV shows, songs and other vessels of popular culture. Since people around us are also brainwashed with this shit, they parrot the same useless advice and we follow them without giving a second thought.


But there is one more problem. These behaviours are learned behaviors but there are also some other enemies within us: Feeling “not enough” for your ex, lack of self confidence, self worth and a belief that you may not find someone like them again. These insecurities go hand in hand with popular brainwashing and creates a big anxiety inside. This anxiety is the driving force behind all the stupid behaviours we display to get our ex back.


These behaviours are depicted as “must-do” in popular culture but in reality they don’t work and usually help the dumper to forget the dumpee faster than usual! For example in Hollywood movies, you prove your love for someone by ignoring rejection and not taking no as an answer. In the movies, sooner or later, the dumper says “he/she loves me so much so I shall love him/her so much too” and realizes their “mistake”. In real life, ignoring rejection and not taking no as an answer make us creepy stalkers and lead the dumper to block us or in some worse cases apply for a restraining order.


Ok, then what? What should I do?

When you are dumped and/or rejected, you need to cut all contact with the dumper. This is called No Contact (NC). I know, this is completely against what you wanna do right now and definitely against popular advice. And it also looks illogical (my ex will forget me if I stop contacting them!) and feels like it would backfire. But it won’t. In this book, I will explain, in great detail, why no contact is the best way to get your ex back.
Read on ...

Next Chapter What is no contact?

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